Deeks Drabble Challenge
by LostForeverInHisEyes
Summary: Another from the Drabble Challenge in the Rabid Plot Bunny forum. Character - Deek; Prompt - Grief.


_A/N - Another one from the Drabble Challenge in the Plot Bunnies forum. Having a great time over there, would love you to join us._

_Would love to know what you think. This is my first attempt at writing Deeks and getting into his head. _

_Disclaimer - don't own anything. Having fun._

_A/N addition 11/03/2011 - It appears that the idea for this little drabble has been prompted by my plot bunnies from a story called 'Embracing Home' by the delightfully talented angelprincesslilac - which can be found here: _.net/s/6058483/1/

_Definitely worth a read if you haven't already. Thanks __angelprincesslilac __ once again for a wonderfully inspiring story.  
_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O  
_

Character: Deeks

Prompt: Grief

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o

His eyes were wide, his heart pounding in his chest. His ears were still ringing from the gunfire that had abruptly ceased.

He looked around.

Nell and Eric.

He shook his head trying to clear the horror from his eyes. This just couldn't be real. It had to be a dream.

Hetty and Nate.

No. None of them should be out of the office. He felt a heaviness settle over his shoulders. A weight was crushing his chest and he found it difficult to breathe as he turned around a little further.

Sam and Callen.

Why couldn't he wake up? The rest of the world disappeared and all that existed was this little circle around him. He couldn't look at the last remaining body. He didn't want to. He'd fall apart if she was there too. She was his partner. He was supposed to protect her.

But the world turned for him and there she was. Just like the others. Lying on the ground, eyes wide and lifeless, blood staining her clothes.

His gun slipped from his fingers and he finally placed what he was feeling. This thing that was consuming and wiping everything else out of his mind. This was grief. The grief that came when you actually cared. Not the grief from a mission gone wrong with people you didn't know. Not the grief when a colleague, like Jess, had died. This is what it would feel like when your family dies. This is something he'd never experienced before. Because he'd never cared this much before.

Kensi.

He wanted to scream her name, wake her up. Have her tell him it was April Fools or an initiation into the club that was OSP. But he knew he couldn't, knew she wouldn't. Just like the others, she was dead.

He took a step closer to her and crumpled to his knees, not caring at all that the rough gravel was cutting into him, probably making his knees bleed. Not caring at all that there were still people out there with guns trained on him. Guns he wished one of them would have the guts to pull the trigger on and end this nightmare, save him from this overwhelming grief. He felt the tears pour down his face, felt his heart still pounding in his chest. A heart that he desperately wished would stop beating; just like hers. Just like theirs. As he reached for her, his hand shaking, a scream he couldn't stop tore from his throat.

"NO!"

"Deeks!"

His eyes flew open and he sat up.

His heart was pounding, his breathing ragged and he was sure he could feel wetness on his hands, but aside from that, nothing else was the same.

"Deeks?" The voice was softer this time, gentler. But it was hers and he looked up from where he was sitting on the couch – in the office. Not the middle of nowhere on a harsh gravel road.

"Deeks, are you okay?" Kensi asked.

He looked and saw Callen watching him intently and shook his head slightly. They could never know how vulnerable he was. He was the larrikin. He teased, he joked, he got the looks that told him they only tolerated him because they had to. He couldn't appear to be attached. Not yet. He wasn't a part of this team, he was still green and new, still trying to find his way into the circle that was this team. It hurt that he didn't belong yet but nothing like the grief in the nightmare. This pain, he could live with whilst he tried to change their opinion of him. But for now, he still needed to be Deeks – The Joker.

"I'm fine."

Kensi's look told him she didn't believe him. "You were screaming out 'No' at the top of your lungs, Deeks. Must have been a rough dream."

He looked at her. She was alive. His heart slowed down a little.

"Yeah well, you in a little black dress saying no to a date would make any man scream."

Kensi rolled her eyes and ruffled his head.

"You'll never see me in a little black dress, Deeks." She shook her head and walked away.

He watched as she went, felt his heart slow a little more, getting closer to normal. It was only a dream. He felt Callen still watching him and turned to the older agent.

Callen cocked an eyebrow. "Hurts doesn't it?"

He didn't say anything. There was something in Callen's eyes that he couldn't quite place.

Callen smirked a little, but it wasn't his usual cocky one. "We'll just have to make sure it doesn't actually happen."

He felt his jaw drop a little. A lift of Callen's eyebrows before he left made things perfectly clear to him.

Callen knew. He had no idea how, but somehow Callen knew that the dream (nightmare) had absolutely nothing to do with Kensi and a little black dress.


End file.
